Have you developed habitual patterns that keep you disconnected from relating to emotional experiences?
Lets start this weeks blog series with an important and relatable example:
Leah and Cotter, a professional couple in their early 40s, both work in white collar professions. They have been married for just over 12 years, and they have two children. Their marriage became strained for a variety of reasons: an intrusive mother-in-law, work demands that included travel and time away from family, strained finances, and a tendency to withdraw from each other rather than communicate clearly.
Leah became angry when Cotter became preoccupied with his phone, which was constantly buzzing with social media posts, news alerts, texts from friends, and updates from his fantasy football leagues. Cotter was upset with Leah’s spending habits; she binge-shopped online when upset. And he also became concerned with her drinking, given how easily she downed multiple glasses of wine each night. Clearly, they both found ways to check out from themselves and their marriage. Helping Leah and Cotter re-establish a good connection started with showing them how, through all these distractions, they were essentially walking away from rather than moving toward each other.
Over time, each made agreements to cease use of their respective distractions, to learn what purpose they were serving, and to lean into the difficult feelings and conversations that were often the sources of the distraction. Then they could work on the more challenging issues that kept them apart in the first place.
Despite the fact that emotional awareness and connection to your moment-to-moment experience is the most important goal, many people like Leah and Cotter have developed habitual patterns of relating to their emotional experiences that keep them disconnected from themselves and each other.
Obviously there are countless ways for you to separate yourself from the unpleasantness of your own experience. I will be covering some of the ways people disconnect and distract from their emotional experience in future blog posts. Watch for it!
Next week, I’ll show you a few ‘Identifying-Distractions Exercises’.
This weeks questions:
Are you aware of what distractions may be preventing you from connecting more fully with yourself and others?
This week, how can you put aside your distractions, and better reconnect with your loved ones?
I’d love for you to respond on my facebook group if you feel comfortable!!
Join my group on Facebook LOVE MY LIFE and let me know.
To A Life You Love,
Dr. Joan Rosenberg